I Broke the Cycle of Abuse
From a young age I always knew my mom hated me! I am the only girl out of 4 kids. My 2 younger brothers got out of the abuse, their dad took custody of them. That left my older brother and myself, I found out at a young age that the abuse started with us being locked in a bedroom for long periods of time so our mom could party, we were (2/4 respectively). We were nothing more than pieces of worthless sh*t, not worth anything and will never amount to anything…that’s just a bit of what she said. The physical abuse started young, but as we got older it got worse along with the mental, emotional and verbal abuse. As my brother got older and bigger his physical abuse got less but she made up for it with everything else. When I was 13 yrs old she got pissed about something and chased me with a gun, as I ran she shot at me. I hid in a field for 3 days. Finally I went to a foster home for 6 months and then my Gram took custody of my brother and I for about a year. We learned how to trust an adult again but then we were put back into her custody where things got even much worse. When she would get angry after drinking and doing drugs, she would decide that her house wasn’t clean enough for her, so she would pull dishes/silverware out and dump everything in the middle of the kitchen floor and drag me in there by my hair while yelling and screaming about how filthy they were. I would have to do every single one of them and if they weren’t done by the time I went to school I would have to start all over. I was made to do all the cooking and cleaning for everyone. She would beat me so badly that she would break ribs, my nose several times, black eyes, swollen lips and so many bruises. She slut shamed me my whole life but by the time I was 17 yrs old she paid her friend’s husband $25 to rape me to call me a slut for real, that almost destroyed my will to live. My life was very concurrent to the movie “Mommie Dearest” sadly.
She would leave us for weeks with no food, utilities or phone throughout our life. Sometimes I prayed for death. I wished she had just murdered me physically because she had already killed me in every other way. But here I stand proud to be a survivor that broke her cycle of abuse. I have amazing adult kids and grandbabies that are my whole life. I know that my childhood has changed me in ways that no one can fathom or understand, but I make my own choices good or bad they are mine. It has made my life hard as an adult and I have had to learn how to be a good mom and not be her, I guess you could say she taught me how not to be as a mom and for that I am grateful for. There is so much more but this gives anyone a peek into my life. Thank you for reading.
What advice would you offer to encourage others?
You will also be a survivor. Just remember who you are and what you are going to accomplish with hard work, perseverance, and kindness.
A note from EndCAN: We know that sharing can ignite a lot of emotions, momentum, fears, excitement, hope, or many other feelings. We want to remind you that you are NEVER alone. Should you need additional help or support, we provide the following resources to help guide you on your healing journey.
Gifts to EndCAN, a 501(c)(3) organization (EIN # 82-3752131), are deductible to extent provided by law.
firstname.lastname@example.org | PO Box 102428, Denver, CO 80250