Discovering my wife’s painful past

Dec 17, 2020 | survivor-stories

I lost the words to even describe my pains of what my wife and I went through in 2020. It all happened so quickly as I fell in love with this amazing woman. I was going through a painful past relationship and many have abused me in the past and I would go along with it simply because I do not want the relationship to end. My ex took me for granted as I have helped her pay for her condominium. I was a workaholic thinking that I need to put in more hours to help her out. It was almost our 5th anniversary and my upcoming birthday and I was looking forward to it. Then, she came back from work and told me that we needed to talk. I was not prepared for this and she told me that she was going to leave me. I begged her to reconsider as I will work harder and that I am a good man. She packed her stuff and left the following week. My heart was broken and my dreams were shattered. I cried at night thinking of how much effort I put into it. I felt dead and lost. I continued to go to work acting like nothing happened nor did I say a word to any of my co-workers. Somehow this amazing, lovable woman, Renee, began to get closer to me like a friend at work. We started to chat at work and at night with each other. Then one day, she asked me to break her down, like tell her what kind of a person she is. In my mind, I was like how the hell do I know. She really had me thinking hard. Well, if I really want to know her then it makes sense to figure her out. So, every night I started to ask myself how much do I really know her. Finally, at work she asked me if I have figured her out yet. I told her not completely, but I do have an idea. She was very eager to hear my answers. So, I told her that it seems that she had a very difficult and a complicated past. I explained that I do not know anything about her past but I can sense that it has stories behind it and it is complicated. I also told her that she is extremely outgoing that she might have a double personality. She was satisfied with my findings and we continued to talk more at night. She finally started to open up more about her past and about her family to me. Her past exes were very abusive where many hardly truly cared about her. There was one that actually slapped her and verbally cursed at her simply because there was a slight disagreement. To me, a real man does not lay a hand on a woman. Unfortunately, Renee jumped into another relationship hoping that the person would be better than the previous. It was a desperate move especially since her home environment was very toxic as well. Her brother was very abusive towards her. She would get yelled at for no reason simply because  he was tired from work. He would ask her to wash the dishes and listen to his commands. He would dis her education and tell her that she would be a very bad wife and that she has no brain cells up in her head. He would continuously tell her that the place for a woman is being a housewife and that education is not suitable for a woman and that all she needs to do is to marry a rich guy. Women have proven to us time after time that women are indeed capable of many things that men can do. To make matters worse, he even started to touch her inappropriately and started to treat her like his wife. The guy is sick and out of his mind. Many of you guys now would ask then she should talk to her parents. She did and her parents would not believe her and the sexual harassment continued. She even told me childhood stories where her brother would slap her so hard that her face would be swollen simply because she was walking with a guy and he saw her. I have a hard time digesting it. 

What advice would you offer to encourage others?

I will always be there for Renee. Those that have read her struggles, please be there for one another as abuse can happen to anyone. Nobody deserves to be abused nor have to go through such pains. I have experienced it myself and now the woman I love is going through it. There is a thing known as Karma and it is not pretty; what goes around comes around. Love each other and appreciate one another. Time is short and precious. Hopefully, our stories can help those in need and motivate others for a better tomorrow. 


-Michael Chan, Survivor

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