Traumatized During Early Development

I remember at an early age my parents fought and my father was always hollering, yelling, swearing, and complaining. My mother decided she had enough and rebelled. She took me and went with a married man for a weekend in a hotel. My three brothers stayed with our father. I must admit that the man was nice and very loving to my mother and I. My mother went back to our family because of pressure from our relatives. I remember my father was always yelling at us, hitting us, and leaving us unattended when my mother went to work. My mother later became emotionally abusive and as I was the only daughter and the youngest, I endured mental and emotional abuse from both parents. My mother would always criticize me. She became cold and unloving, the same as my father.  

I remember not speaking in kindergarten for the entire year. They thought something was wrong with me. My parents had to go to my school and watch me. My mother told the school I talked at home. I was traumatized and that was my way of controlling the situation.  

My father once gave me a bloody nose in public because I got lost in a store. It wasn’t my fault. I wouldn’t have gotten lost had he been watching me, but he wasn’t. We were with a neighbor friend named Joe and I will never forget the way Joe looked at my father, as if he was crazy…and he was. He constantly complained and swore at us, hit us and was angry all the time. I honestly believe both of my parents were mentally ill. My mother didn’t want to be with my father but she was codependent and couldn’t leave him. She took her misery out on me. As I was learning what my talents were, she was a stumbling block in every direction.  

My brother who was a year older than I also suffered. He suffered all his life and died early in life. He had a breakdown at age 19 and could never get over the way we were brought up. I am thankful I had role models at school in high school and related to them. There was a teacher I wished was my mother because she treated me so nicely. I learned that I could change the way I think and accomplish things in life by developing my own talents. 

What advice would you offer to encourage others? 

Use your talents to help you along the way to make you feel good about yourself. I would seek out counseling as early as you realize you are being mistreated. I would encourage you to get a support group and seek therapy. Learn to love yourself and make goals for your life. Get out of your abusive environment as soon as you are able. Keep the faith because God loves you. 

• Anonymous Child Abuse Survivor